Grief has a way of touching all of us, especially in midlife. As we walk through the loss of parents, dear friends, and sometimes even spouses, we also find ourselves walking beside others who are grieving deeply. And in those moments—when someone we love is shattered by loss—it can be hard to know what to say or do.

What do I say?
What should I do?
Do they want me to help—or do they need space?

There’s wisdom for us in the story of Job. After he lost almost everything—his children, health, and livelihood—Job was overcome with grief. His pain was so visible that when his three friends arrived, they barely recognized him (Job 2:11–13). But what they did next is a beautiful model for us when we don’t know how to help someone through sorrow.

Here are four ways Job’s friends showed up in his grief:

1. They came without an invitation.
2. They wept with him.
3. They sat with him in silence.
4. They stayed.

Their presence mattered. They didn’t try to fix him. They didn’t rush the grief. They just showed up—and stayed.

We can do that, too.

1. Don’t wait to be asked

Job’s friends came from different towns and made a plan to visit him—without needing an invitation. In today’s world, we often wait for a text or permission. But when someone is in pain, they may not have the strength to reach out. We can take the first step.

Reach out—even if time has passed. The silence of grief is heavy, and sometimes, just breaking that silence is the most meaningful thing you can do.

2. Meet practical needs

Grief is exhausting, and the details of life can become overwhelming. Helping with groceries, errands, or childcare might seem small—but they make a big difference. If you’re nearby, drop off a meal, take the trash to the curb, or mow the lawn.

Don’t just say, “Let me know if you need anything.” Instead, offer something specific and follow through. A grieving friend may not have the mental energy to ask—but they will remember the kindness.

3. Stay present after the first wave

It’s often after the funeral, after everyone has gone back to their routines, that grief feels deepest. This is when your friendship matters most.

Put a reminder in your phone to check in every few weeks. Text a prayer. Send a card. Offer to grab coffee or go for a walk. Don’t underestimate the power of being a steady, faithful presence in someone’s life—even when it feels like you’re doing very little.

4. Let your love speak louder than words

When Job’s friends arrived, they sat in silence with him for seven days. They didn’t rush to offer advice or platitudes—they simply mourned with him.

When it’s time to speak, don’t default to phrases that might feel dismissive—“God has a plan,” or “everything happens for a reason.” These may be well-intentioned, but they can sting. Instead, say things like:

• “I love you.”
• “I’m here for you.”
• “I’m praying for you.”
• “I don’t know what to say, but I want to sit with you in this.”

Sometimes, your silent presence says more than any words could.

5. Pray—with her and for her

Prayer is a powerful comfort. Ask your friend if she would like you to pray with her. If she declines, honor that—but continue praying on your own.

One wise friend once said, “Praying for us is good. But asking God how to pray for us is even better.” Let the Holy Spirit guide your prayers. Ask for peace, strength, and healing. And if she’s open to it, pray with her right then and there.

We all want to be the kind of friend who shows up—especially in seasons of deep sorrow. We don’t have to say the perfect thing. We don’t have to fix the pain. We simply need to be there, offer practical love, and keep reminding our grieving friends that they are not alone.

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.”
—Romans 12:15 (ESV)

If someone you love is grieving, reach out today. Send a message, drop off a meal, or simply say, “I’m here.” Small acts of love leave a lasting mark in a hurting heart.

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Disclosure: Scriptures marked ESV are taken from the THE HOLY BIBLE, ENGLISH STANDARD VERSION (ESV): Scriptures taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, ENGLISH STANDARD VERSION ® Copyright© 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission.

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