Ever find yourself in a conversation with a friend or someone new, and blurt out something you immediately regret? Maybe you were just trying to chime in or make a point; perhaps it was a bit of gossip that really should have left unsaid.

You feel the heat rise in your face, and all you want to do is find the nearest exit. Even when we know we need to be careful with our words, sometimes we’re hasty and things slip. And we wish we could take them back.

Today, we can also be quick to react on social media. It’s easy to say something critical, rather than supportive. On the flip side, we might the ones posting—oversharing, gossiping, or using the platform to put others down—when it would have been better to be silent.

Oh, and I’ve been guilty. There have been many times I’ve had to go back and hit the “delete” button. I have learned that it’s so important to be intentional and “think before speak.” Proverbs 13:3 (NIV) reminds us:

Those who guard their lips preserve their lives, but those who speak rashly will come to ruin.

When we guard what we say, we’re not just protecting others from hurt—we’re also protecting ourselves. Harsh words can damage relationships and stir up resentments—and cause regret. By taking care to think before we speak, we preserve our peace and our relationships.

Harmful Words Create Negativity

Unkind words are not just harmful, but it creates negativity around us and in us. The more we engage in it, the more it becomes a habit and part of our lives. Proverbs 18:21 (NIV) says:

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

The Israelites, after a triumphant escape from Egypt, were on their way to the Promised Land—a journey that should have taken 11 days. But soon, they began to grumble, and it became a daily habit. Complaints about food, the weather—nothing was ever good enough. And as a result, their 11-day journey turned into 40 years. The had a “wilderness mentality”—negative thoughts led to negative speech, and that kept them in bondage. Their words shaped their reality.

Guardrails for Guarding Our Speech

Over the years, I’ve learned a few ways to help keep myself from speaking impulsively or negatively. Here are four steps I try to follow to guard my words:

1. Pause Before Speaking

When I feel like I just have to interject something in a conversation, I make myself pause and ask myself: What will my words add to this discussion?

The same for social media. When tempted to react on a post, I wait. After taking some time to think about it, I usually find that I no longer feel the need to say anything at all.

Those who guard their mouths and their tongues keep themselves from calamity. Proverbs 21:23 (NIV)

2. Speak with Intent

In other conversations, I take a moment and think: Will what I say uplift, encourage or bring peace. When I am tempted to gossip or speak negatively, I pause intentionally choose words that steer the conversation in a more positive direction. Sometimes I pray: “Jesus, what would YOU say right now?” It helps ground my thoughts and keeps me from saying something I’ll regret.

…whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Philippians 4:8 (NIV)

3. Model Honorable Speech

When I’ve had the opportunity to mentor young mothers and wives, I would always encourage them to speak positively about their spouses. We’ve all had moments when we wanted to vent to others about them, but this can lead to gossip and negativity.

Now, as the wife of a police executive, I often accompany him to community events. When talking with new acquaintances, I make it a point to speak more about him than about myself. Not only am I proud of the work he does, but I want to follow Romans 12:10 (NIV):

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.

This is something I promised to do when I married my husband 25 years ago, and I’ve tried hard to make it a habit.

Let’s remember, guarding our words isn’t just about staying out of trouble—it’s about protecting our relationships, our peace, and even our own hearts. When we speak with intention and kindness, we’re not only honoring God, but also the people around us. Let’s make an effort to guard our words and speak with honor and love today!

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Live It Out

Think back to a time when your words hurt someone—intentionally or unintentionally. What could you have done differently? Can you go back and make it right with that person?

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Bible Journaling:
Restraining speech is a recurring theme in Proverbs as well as the New Testament. Look up the following verses and color code them in your Bible for remembering to guard our speech. speech/attitude:

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